What Is An Entity?
Is it demon? Is it an unseen living creature from another planet or plane of existence? Is it a negative energy field (NEF), as called by some kinesiologists? Is it a fragment of a tortured soul, left behind when that person died? Is it a parasite of the energy body, as referred to by Dr. Samuel Sagan? Or, is it simply a personality disorder, like schizophrenia, as some mental health professionals might say? Or, is it a mind parasite, as depicted in The Mind Parasites by Colin Wilson? It could be a combination of some or all of these things, or/and is it a metaphor for that part of ourselves which we don’t like, want or accept?
According to Paul Levy,a pioneer in the field of spiritual emergence, in his discussion about Colin Wilson’s book (https://www.awakeninthedream.com/articles/mind-parasites-of-colin-wilson), “every person or group of people that have discovered what the Native American people called wetiko unanimously consider it to be the most important topic—there’s not even any competition—to understand in our world today”. “Wetiko” he says “inspires the darkest evil imaginable while, at the same time, potentially helps us to wake up to our true nature as creative beings.” He further says that “wetiko can be thought of as being a parasite of the mind that operates through the blind spots of the unconscious in such a way that hides itself from being seen as it deceives us into thinking and acting in ways contrary to our best interests.”
I am not really sure,but all of them have the ring of truth to me. However, let me relate my growing awareness of and encounter with something over time, for want of a better word,that I will now call an entity. I am cautious about using any specific word because how one may view something like this can shape how and why one reacts. So,some people might say that I am talking about a demon which needs to be exorcised. Others might recommend seeking out a psychiatrist for counselling and/or perhaps medication. Others might call the police and an ambulance. In any event, any view and reaction one has can easily change as we each grow and change over time.
Hence this is a story of a growing awareness over many years which, like Paul Levy, I say would involves my own spiritual emergence. I have also found the different views cited here useful tools for getting my head holistically around what I have been dealing with. I thus offer this writing as an enjoyable excursion which you might find useful on your life’s journey. As each person is different, so too like a lock are the keys or combination of things that will open your own unique door to understanding and healing.
There Was a Voice
So, I began to notice during my healing journey – a metaphor for my lifetime – that something was not right. No matter what I did, there was a voice. Now that in itself is not unusual because I think most people talk to themselves. Yet, while this voice sounded like mine, it said and urged me to do things that were disturbing, destructive and simply not right. It was also quite dismissive or distractive of thoughts and actions that would be of benefit to my health and well-being. It especially focussed on and, accurately so, nurtured feelings of anger and even rage that I think we all have somewhere. And, lord knows I had many reasons in my mind which could account for and, for a time I thought, justify expression in various ways of that anger and rage. Many people do so in their own way on our roads, on our children, spouses or people of a different race, religion or ethnic background, for example. Yet, there was more.
Silence Brings Awareness
Early on in my experience, I became aware of the voice not only because of its nature, but by virtue of its short periods of absence, when there was complete mental silence:firstly, just after an operation to remove my tonsils when I was four years old and secondly, each and every time at the end of a movie I had just watched at the cinema. In the latter case, now that I think of it, I was able to notice its absence because everyone was quiet, even the noisiest of the lot going in – well before the advent of mobile or cell phones.
Well, not everyone –like when there was a triple feature at the Loew’s Delancey cinema (http://cinematreasures.org/theaters/529) next to Ratner’s in the Lower East Side of Manhattan on Saturday’s which was a drawcard for kids who had little trouble getting money from their parents who I think looked forward to getting them out of the house. I remember the kids giggling, laughing and throwing popcorn and paper airplanes down from the balcony. I might’ve even joined in on occasion, but like many others I got annoyed if it broke the hypnotic spell of watching the horror and action flicks! And then, have you ever turned around to look at the crowd at the cinema to see everyone fixated (is it mindlessly?) on the screen such that no one even notices you looking at them? I have.
The point is that during an induced altered state of consciousness my mind was stilled in a way that I could notice things out of awareness in daily life. And, it was not merely the absence of my internal mind chatter, but a quality of voice and presence which it carried for many years.
It Had Malevolence
As I got to know myself better over time and discovered the more gentle and loving person within that I really am, that voice was still there and I became increasingly aware that the voice had an intensity disproportionate and even contrary to the feelings that I was having at times. It had force. It had intent. It was malevolent. It had presence. And, it felt like I had no control over it. However, it had no real control over my actions either, unless I was passive, inattentive and/or a follower of what I was told to do,like for example teenagers and programmed spies (see “The CIA’s Control of Candy Jones” by Donald Bain and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candy_Jones) and assassins.
I have also felt it healthy not only to question the voice but particularly those who assume authority. This view was reinforced by my reading of Stanley Milgram’s classic study on “Obedience to Authority” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNqfPKWiRao) which demonstrated that ordinary people will follow directions and even inflict harm on others simply because they were told to do so by authority figures. Yet, can’t we always say no?
That is what the Bible’s New Testament teaches, for example, during Jesus’s temptation by Satan during his 40 day fast – we have a choice in everything we do.
What makes a difference in this regard I think is awareness and our own volition. Perhaps you’ve noticed, though, how today much effort is made with fear, drugs, entertainment,distraction, education, the law and other things to seemingly take those things away from us and at least make us feel powerless, passive and in despair. The Candy Jones saga suggested that this might be physically possible. In her case,on cue, she was tested on missions where she underwent and forgot being tortured under the control of a hypnotically created alternative personality built around something from the past. Upon return, she re-assumed her normal personality and remembered nothing of those experiences.
Yet, even in her case,her real self struggled to reveal this dark past and resist and throw off these so-called controls. With the help of her radio-host husband, Long John Nebel, did so.
It Would Not Leave Me Alone
In my case, despite learning that I have choice; embracing, for example, the parables from Sunday school of the Episcopal church; and telling the voice (much like my bully brother)to stop, to ‘leave me alone’ – I could not make it stop! How frustrating that was – at least my brother at times I could get away from – having to listen to what it said!
Long before 9-11, often when I saw an airliner in the sky, that voice or an urging from it would seek to crash that plane to the ground. Sometimes, walking down the street, it would urge me to grab at strangers with menace. Most of the time it was incessantly telling me with draining sarcasm how bad, uncaring and nasty I was or wanted to be. So, while I could and did say no, it was draining to do so. And, there was much more, but I’m sure you get the drift.
In addition, it was not always negative, it was contrary. And, it suggested things that were positive and was quick to claim credit, suggesting that it was indeed running the show.
Its Presence Propelled My Search
Now, I realise how pathological this all sounds, even though I’m not a psychologist. However, as I said before, over time I became aware of a clear distinction between the content and nature of that voice and its urgings with the peaceful core of love within me. And, while I knew and accepted that I have and am both light and dark within me, this voice had a defining presence which helped propel me on the next phase of my journey – the search.
Without Google, I started what was to become a life-long interest in the mind, spirit and body(in that order) reading more than the staple of my childhood, science fiction.I explored the wonder of public and educational libraries. I became interested in the mind, mind control, hypnosis, brainwashing, accelerated learning,scientology, the moonies, mind altering drugs, rolfing, acupuncture, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), meditation, prayer, fasting, spirituality and much more, but from a very subjective perspective. I read, did courses, joined groups, for a short time did drugs and explored myself and the world. I learned, out of our awareness, how flexible, malleable and programmable the mind can be. I also started to realise the depth of my own fear on the subject.
I Wanted It Gone
However, from my heart with growing awareness over time, one intent and focus was to emerge – understanding and getting rid of this deeply ingrained horrifying part of me.
And, how difficult that proved to be when dealing with the relentless tides of the civilisation we have created! Have you noticed, for example, how much businesses profit, governments control, schools educate, medicine heals and parents raise their children by using well worn principles that seek to shape our minds, thoughts and actions,rather than by raising our own awareness and encouraging independent thought? I noticed that the theme of my voice’s comments and urgings seemed well versed in the former.
Thinking back, after the silence following the tonsillectomy, the first time I noticed its presence was after my parents had a loud fight while I was laying in bed, lights out,eyes closed. The voice started coaching and urging me to count, one, two three…slowly, but with anger. Whereas, I had been listening, somewhat disturbed by the intensity of their feelings, I was detached. The voice seemed to be teaching me how with words to articulate an anger that I was not aware was my own.
Now, learning to express one’s feelings with self-control, especially those suppressed, I have learned from various approaches to healing is a positive thing. Yet, this guidance had left the control part out. And, what if, as some people say, an entity or whatever it is, can like Colin Wilson’s Tsathogguan vampires encourage and then feed off those intense feelings? Certainly his book had fed a very active imagination in me, but was there more?
I Don’t Have to Do Anything
In any event, one of the first significant learnings came after five years of psychotherapy – I don’t have to do anything! This realisation was accompanied by a series of dreams of lurking danger in the walls around me, getting closer and closer which finally ended as a great big puppy dog emerged from the wall.
Anyway, for a momma’s boy who had religiously rung the church bells during mass and dutifully did what I was told, I was so excited. Despite the voice, which was not supportive,I remember walking across the Brooklyn Bridge saying to myself over and over again, ‘I don’t have to do anything’. For a long time, I said that phrase more than the prayers at church and whenever the voice had something to say.
Yet, I still felt it apart of me. And, it took me – and I think it would take anyone – a lot of observation over time, confidence, energy and courage to acknowledge and then tackle such a thing, whatever it is! Thus, the next learning and step was very important to me.
Don’t Be Afraid
I had another series of dreams about a serious threat outside of my front door. Something angry and forceful was trying to bang down the door – much like I was afraid my bully brother really would do when I hid from his threats behind the bathroom door.In the next to the last dream, a sword was repeatedly thrust through the door at me. Yet, remembering the big puppy dog, I opened and faced what was on the other side – two bright yellow eyes. Un-threatening, they came inside and they never returned, until…
Many years later, on a farm lot in Federal, a community not far from Byron Bay in Australia; alone with my partner; on the darkest of nights; during a loud thunderstorm; playing scrabble and my letters literally form “omen” then “demon” followed by a flash of lightning and there she was – a cat. Charcoal grey with a white bib and two of the brightest yellow eyes I had seen, since my dream, Sufi walked into our lives for many years with love, wisdom and companionship.
What a follow-up to an action, albeit in a dream, opening a door despite genuine fear with courage and accepting the consequences of my actions.
In fact, the value and need in the years ahead (particularly in dealing with the entity) for the qualities I experimented with in these two dreams – challenging authority and fear – was clearly demonstrated in my final years in New York City.
I had in my mid to late twenties begun to drift into aimless despondency. I had been working in political jobs and related businesses and begun to question everything. As I became more successful, I gained more responsibility and started earning more.However, the price seemed to me to compromise my beliefs by accepting and becoming part of what seemed to be a corrupt system (see my blog article: “The Fast”). That compromise and tacit acceptance came easily over time. Like a frog in water slowly coming to a boil,maybe I just didn’t notice or realise what was happening to me. Everyone else I knew was doing it and just joking about what they experienced within the incessant in-house gossip.
Yet, my body knew and responded – I put on weight. And, to dampen any other inner protest, with the voice’s encouragement, I turned to drugs – first marijuana, then speed and cocaine. Then nothing bothered me and I felt good and laughed about everything,that is until I wasn’t taking them. But, they were readily available and I continued to take them. I didn’t lose any weight. I remained depressed when I wasn’t taking them. I had to take more and more to get the same effect. I lost some of my inhibitions which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I did things that hurt other people. After a year or so, I started to become more paranoid and see dark spirits about late at night.
I Realised that I Needed Help
However, in a moment of lucidity and unrestrained despair, I realised that I needed help. Asking for help and then accepting help were even harder.
I was: strong, like my father who worked at physical labour his whole life; stubborn, like the Taurean I am and like my father who was often immoveable in body and mind; rigid in thought and resistant to change, like my father; narrow in thinking, like the tunnel vision which accompanied my father’s blindness; proud like my father,but also arrogant and not prone to asking for or receiving help; and an empathetic and sensitive boy, who had emotionally shut down from the perceived pain of the world in which I was living.
I Asked for Help that Came
So, drawing on the realisations from my two earlier dreams, in what was still an amazing act for me, I consciously asked for the only help I had been taught about all my life.I asked Jesus on a very personal level to come into my life. In that moment, I made a cry for help that went beyond all that I perceived myself to be. And he did. There was in me at that a moment of silence (unlike earlier in the hospital and at the theatre) and peace that I could not recall having felt all of my life. Without a comment from the voice that I could hear, in total trust,I accepted the presence, the guidance, the purpose, understanding and the love which flowed through me. I was fundamentally changed or perhaps in that moment I allowed myself to be the real me, but I felt what it means and was born again.
Never Alone
It was very personal.It was deep. It was in the twinkling of an eye. And, it was just a new beginning. From that moment on, I knew that I was not alone, that I would never be alone again and that I could call on such help as I truly needed and was willing to receive. There was no demands placed on me, no subscription to any ideology required, just acceptance, love and guidance. I then took by my own hand and choice all of my drugs and paraphernalia and a deck of tarot cards –wrapped in black silk which had previously amazed me in the stories they revealed – down to the dark, lifeless and misnamed East River and threw the mall in. A fork in the road had been met and passed. A part of me and what was not to be had been left behind.
I Was Still Me
I was still the person I had grown up to be at that point. I still had responsibility for every choice that I would be making in my life. The difference, however, was that another part of me had been revealed and empowered. With a helping hand, I had opened the door to more of my true nature and self. I realised that I was not alone in facing the world, my own inner self and the part of me I then regarded as my own disturbing voice.
The voice remained, I still saw it as part of me and was still subject to its influence. However, I opened myself to other influences. I was curious to know more about Jesus. I read the Old and New Testament, but not all of it rang true to me. Some Christians say that one has to accept every word of the Bible as the word of God and there are a plethora of people ready and able to tell us what it means.Noticing a similarity between the riveted faces of some evangelical TV church service crowds and those at the movie theatres I used to frequent, I continued on, questioning everything (a useful tool for the self-deluded), doing it, like Frank Sinatra, “my way”.
The Kingdom of God Is Within You
So I gravitated to the gospels and particularly the beauty of the Sermon of the Mount and was rapt in the portrait of the world painted by Jesus in his words. I was further drawn to the writings of Leo Tolstoy in “The Kingdom of God Is Within You – Christianity Not as a Mystic Religion
But as a New Theory of Life” (https://www.gutenberg.org/files/43302/43302-h/43302-h.htm). The title of the book comes from Luke 17:21. It is a treatise on non-resistance to evil, taken up effectively by Mahatma Gandhi,built in part around the Sermon on the Mount as presented in the Gospel of Matthew. He urged readers to look to the divine within themselves for true guidance on our actions. His words deeply resonated within me, supported by my own experience in being born again.
So, in this spirit, I headed toward Big Mountain, Montana, what was to be a 29-day fast and yet another learning about the voice.
During the fast, when I was not wandering in the beautiful nearby forests and Glacier National Park, I read and hitchhiked about Montana. During this time I am grateful to have separately stumbled across two noted speakers of a very different ilk: Eldridge Cleaver (https://blackpast.org/aah/cleaver-eldridge-1935-1998), former Black Panther returned from self-imposed exile and M. Scott Peck (https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/articles/200211/m-scott-peck-wrestling-god) author of the recently released ‘The Road Less Travelled”. Each spoke of personal change, and, in their own way, of struggles with the forces that I speak of.
Eldridge Cleaver seemed to me to be a rebellious and tortured soul. He was an ex-convict; author of ‘Soul on Ice’; minister of information for the Black Panther Party; accused of being involved in a police shoot-out;fled the USA while on bail to avoid a return to jail; and travelled to many prohibited places like Cuba and North Korea. He returned to the USA a changed and changing man, criticising socialism, a registered Republican, praising the USA and supporting Ronald Reagan for President. I encountered him at a public talk where among other things he touted his association with the Mormons.
Sharing the stage with government agents and Republicans – note that a Mormon bishop had been reported in the media around that time as being the personnel director for the CIA – he rose with others to pledge allegiance to the USA flag and then spoke of his believe in the American way, Ronald Reagan and the Mormon church. Taken aback,I could not resist asking him at question time in front of a sparsely filled auditorium if he felt like he had effectively sold out to embrace the belief she was espousing.
Just Who Is Speaking
His response went straight through me: “Aren’t you the guy who didn’t stand for the pledge of allegiance before?” He chose to attack me and repeat what he already said.Sound familiar? It’s a tactic embraced in the past by populist Huey Long of Louisiana, the current President of the USA and many demagogic figures overtime.
Huey, eventually assassinated while running for president against FDR, would go to campaign for office on a soapbox in a place he had never been before and with vitriol attack every important powerful person in the area while speaking. Asked how he could hope to win by going after such people, he said that he would quickly gain the attention and support of all the people (which he figured to easily be 50% of voters) who already hated the people he was attacking.
I believe that every moment of our lives, if we choose to listen, brings a message. What I experienced from that encounter were a wave of intense feelings, coldness and anger,directed at me. It did not feel personal, although it hurt. It was very familiar. It reminded me in words, intent and energetically of my own inner voice. I was confused and rattled such that I don’t remember much else. Yet, it touched me to the core in a way that I am only starting to appreciate now.
The Power of Words
While words carry meaning, those words were carriers for waves of feelings and energy both in and out of my awareness. The powerful waves of feelings fit like a key into the fertile ground of my psyche. I am sure that each and every person hears what they need to hear, depending on the intent of the sender and their own make-up and circumstances at the time. For me, I am now grateful, those words helped to open the door of awareness just far enough to give greater effect to my next experience.
Around that time, I also went to a talk by soon-to-be baptised M. Scott Peck who spoke about his writing and views of life. I had been reading his book, “The Road Less Travelled” and was curious about him and his writing. I was more than curious about his thoughts on human evil, particularly the existence of the Devil and of possession. I recognised an evil within myself and I identified with some of his writings.
Behind That Voice
I got very little from that talk on that subject and I was reluctant to ask any questions myself. I was even a bit disappointed because he didn’t talk much about it. Nevertheless,I left that talk with a certainty that possession existed. Dr. Peck hadn’t really given me any answers and he wouldn’t write about this subject until 1983 in his book “People of the Lie”. Yet, like a flash, it clicked, how my own traits of ignorance and evil were being magnified by something akin to possession, a spiritual force, perhaps Satan within me.
I am not speaking of truth here, just my truth. Years of reading, thought and observation combined with my fast and two encounters were like a key opening my own metaphorical door, not only to understanding, but to concrete, positive action. From now on,my search over the next thirty years expanded to include finding a way to purge myself of what I saw as an evil, malevolent force behind that voice of mine.And, with that commitment came a wave of hope, self-love and belief in myself that I had not felt before. I was now certain what it was I needed to do. How was still quite a mystery to me!
So, the search in a tronger more positive spirit continued. I completed my fast and hitchhiked down to Mexico with $60 in my pocket. Along the way, I had some of the warmest and more positive experiences of my life. The voice was still with me, but there was another presence of love and support, barely discernible, which was there when I attended to it and gave me a warm tingly glow whenever I thanked it for its presence and support.
It was the contrast between the two, the force behind the voice and the quiet presence of Jesus that helped me to discern the unwanted spirit behind my voice.
My own spirit grew stronger through the fast. Empowered, I returned to New York and cut my ties,selling my remaining possessions, drove a taxi to save up some money and left intent on travelling the world overland, starting in Vienna in the dead of the winter studying German at the Goethe Institute. Some of the more colourful experiences of that journey – which took me through the Balkans, Greece, the Middle East, Africa, the Indian sub-continent, Southeast Asia, Japan and finally Australia – are covered in other blog articles.
Yet, the voice and my drive to rid myself of this malevolent presence, while not a focus of my existence,was a continuing undercurrent emerging in different ways. In any event, little crossed my path pointing to a solution.
Rather, I realised through the constant movement of travelling about that no matter where I went, I was the same person, carrying the same emotional baggage and that I was not a very good tourist. I needed to stop and really live somewhere.
Depending on how I felt, the voice for the most part was like a barking dog next door who just doesn’t stop and you find strategies to cope with its presence, life goes on.
Along the way, I kept my eye out for discussions about the force I was dealing with noting in one newspaper article I read about the positive results gained from a study on the use of ibogaine (https://www.ibogainealliance.org/ibogaine/), a plant-derived psychotropic drug, in the treatment of serious drug addiction. What was of interest to me was the transformative effect it had on the lives of the people treated in this way. The thought of transformation, excited me, so unable to find out more, the article remained folded in my wallet for many years.
I stayed in for Japan for several years, got married to an Australian woman, worked as an English teacher, an English re-writer, travelled about and had a very enjoyable experience. And, while I explored hypnosis, neuro-linguistic programming and Suggestopedia– the accelerated language learning program of Dr. Georgi Lozanov (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6JlMzEIVdE) All very interesting stuff, however, not much progress on dealing with the entity!
The Quiet Stalker
I think if there is one learning from this period of time, it’s that if I don’t question or challenge the entity when it is getting what it wants (and probably me too) then everything is fine. Well, I can tell you it’s not! I know that we can get used to just about anything, but this uninvited hitchhiker remained and it was not my friend. It reminds me of the ever-present mobile phone which always knows where I am, google which is intruding into my life as much if not more than I am using it to my benefit. Or, do you recall a time when someone was behind you staring at you, but you couldn’t prove it or do anything about it. So, like a stalker it was always watching me.
Finally, when I went to live and work in Australia, the entity emerged from the shadows and my search was re-ivigorated.
First off, when I arrived in Australia, I found it took more than a year to get a job. My overseas experience and university qualification counted for naught. I couldn’t have children. The reality of marriage bit hard as there were many disagreements and arguments. I was finally hired to work in a community organistion with low pay to do computer training in WordPerfect, a new program I knew nothing about. So, frustration led to frustration.
Enough is Enough
Yet, interestingly enough the voice was content, helping stir the pot and seemed to feed with relish off expression of greater and greater bouts of anger and frustration.
At one time, I worked with another project officer who I don’t think liked me and did everything she could to undermine what work I did. Little frustrations built up to the boiling point and I insisted on having it out with her in the company of a management committee member. Face-to-face, to the horror of the committee observer, we let each other have it.
Now my experience in Australia is that some people, feel very uncomfortable with the expression of strong honest feelings, except on the sports field. And, the ‘tall poppy syndrome’ is a well-known social phenomena in which people who stand out are hammered down. So, we were on shaky ground to begin with, no matter, it was like the famed Russian onslaughts of World War II when massive artillery, tank and rocket bombardments decimated the German lines.
I had the urge, and chose to listen and act, letting go of every bit of anger that was bottled up within me. Emulating Eldridge Cleaver, the words didn’t matter, the carrier wave overwhelmed her. She quit on the spot. While she was not a nice person,what I did was wrong.
Drained of All My Energy
Yet, I learned so much.I felt totally drained of all my energy at every level and felt so for a week afterwards. I felt dirty, there was a nastiness about me. I had never felt that way in my life before. I realised that letting it all out was not a solution for me. The voice was very quiet, like after the hospital operation, but seemed content almost smug. I had always resisted following the lead of the voice when it didn’t feel right, but the reward for doing so was nil.
Yes, it was my anger.It was my choice. But, in that moment I felt that thing. It was slimy. It had intent. It had released a burst of energy just at the tipping point of my ecision. That thing was not me or my friend.
Entities Are Parasites
I was determined that such a thing would never happen again. I renewed the search and over time found a book “Entities, Parasites of the Body of Energy” by Dr. Samuel Sagan, founder of the Clairvision School (http://www.clairvision.org/). According to Dr. Sagan, an entity is “a piece of non-physical energy with some consciousness of its own, which parasitises thehuman system… at the time of death, a shattering of consciousness takes place. Some parts ascend to spiritual worlds,while other fragments remain in the sphere of human beings. Most of these fragments dissolve by themselves after some time. But some fragments are so crystallised that they do not dissolve. As they no longer have a life support system, they have to look for a host. They become entities that can potentially parasitise human beings or animals.”
It’s Worth A Try
I was excited, this was the first time that I found a group of people who not only identified what I felt I was dealing with but offered counselling and treatment. I found a Clairvision trained therapist and underwent counselling and then treatment. I have found over time that in order to engage with such practices, one must suspend disbelief and take the plunge as well as responsibility for what happens. If one is litigious, better to go to a doctor.
I learned, and it made sense to me, that I had picked up this fragment of consciousness during my operation to remove by tonsils when I was very young. The doctor had told my mum at the time that I had seriously resisted the administration of anaesthesia, which according to the therapist weakens the body’s resistance to the parasite entering the body. The book cites hospital operating theatres where people die as a likely source of such fragments.
I must say that I felt good afterwards, despite having seen (I was instructed to close my eyes)inadvertently the therapist wearing what appeared to be a radiation suit. I think they were very concerned not to take on the energy of this thing themselves. Though I probably wouldn’t have done it if I had to wear the suit.
Afterwards, I was advised that the procedure was not always effective and that it would be best to affix mashed potatoes to the site to draw out any remaining energy. I did,but was it enough? Well, it was enough to make sure that if the procedure didn’t work, it was my fault because I didn’t do the right or enough follow-up.
No Luck
It didn’t work, though the voice entity went quiet for awhile. After a little time, the voice returned and I thought I sensed a certain smugness.
Things got much rougher after that. I felt compelled to leave the job I had had for fourteen years,coming close to burnout. I had spent those years working effectively two jobs working late hours at the expense of my health and family. As a result I built up a highly successful not-for-profit which had, like me, an emptiness inside.So, I left. At the same time, my ex-partner suggested it was our idea to separate. A double whammy, but the right thing to do in both cases.
Ayuhuasca in the Peruvian Amazon
Unencumbered by work responsibilities, needing a break and discovering another approach to transformation,I left for the Peruvian amazon late in 2010. I had found a group, Temple of the Way of Light (https://templeofthewayoflight.org/) that ran intensive transformation workshops using ayuhuasca rather than ibogaine in the Peruvian amazon. The reviews for this place were and are still good (https://ayaadvisors.org/listings/temple-of-the-way-of-light/). Now, they made no mention of dealing with my perceived entity or whatever. Yet, in my heart I felt a calling, it was the right thing to do. There were mostly women shaman there. I had heard stories of the bad experiences of some women with male shaman and this place felt safe.
While I had read up on what’s supposed to happen, it’s not until you get there that things become a bit clearer. I loved the place. There were about 18 people in our group. The retreat centre was located in the forest in a place with very few mosquitos. Apparently, the shapes of the leaves on the trees cupped downward so water didn’t collect and provide places for them to breed. There were volunteers working there as the place returns some of its revenue to help the environment and the people of the Amazon. There was also a fence with armed patrols to nsure the safety of all concerned.
The process uses the plant-based ayuhuasca in a series of cleansing and healing ceremonies which are quite intense. In my experience, there were both and female shaman who would singly circle around in the after-dark ceremony singing to each participant.Over the course of the ceremony which lasted a few hours numerous trips were made to the toilet, but it felt right and good as much was being purged physically, emotionally and energetically. Some went for the high, but I didn’t nor did I have any ecstatic experiences.
Nevertheless, the rest,time for introspection, floral baths and healthy diet by themselves made the trip worthwhile. However, I was aware of the entity voice lurking beneath the surface. I think it had gone quiet for good reason. At my first counselling session with one of the shaman and support staff, I told them about the entity and that their work did not seem to be affecting it. They listened politely and said they’d see what they could do.
The Entity Charmer
At the very next session, an ancient male shaman joined the group. Apparently, there were a few people sharing similar stories and intent with me. At that night’s ceremony,during the singing, that shaman came to me and settled in. He sang a beautiful song, and I to the rhythm and beat began to sway like the cobras do in India to the snake charmers. After some time, I felt a slow rising from my midsection of energy that pulsated to the beat of the shaman’s singing. It was the entity.There was nothing good coming from it, but like me it was dancing inside. Each time the thing paused, the shaman would melodiously – with a rhythmic rising and falling in the tone and volume of his voice – entice the thing higher and higher from within my body. It passed my throat, went through my forehead and willingly left,entranced by the maestro shaman. In a moment of compassion I said goodbye –this thing had lived with me for more than 50 years – but all it could do at that moment was to make some sarcastic, nasty comment.
I Am the Same, But It Is Gone
Well, whatever it really was, I don’t miss it at all. I am still the same person, but I have not felt the intensity nor malevolence of its presence once since then. All of the same behaviour patterns and feelings remain, but I feel whole as if my life is truly my own once again.
I am sure that you have your own views on what happened with me and perhaps it’s offered you a wider perspective on what has been happening in your life. All I can say is that you need to listen and trust your inner voice using meditation, yoga or whatever techniques work to help you still the mind. Then you can better discern what you need to do and then of course go do it.
